Feeling old at age 19

I feel old tonight.
Old, I say. Old, set in my ways and flat-out boring.
Perhaps it is an exaggeration, but something about setting off for a Bible conference with a group of excited, giggling youth has aged me somehow—maybe because I remember so well what it was like to stand in their shoes. I remember being at home, packing my cutest sweaters and jeans, all while calling my comrades to see what they were wearing to so-and-so and such-and-such. I remember sitting there with my girlfriends, scoping out the cutest boys, wondering what we might say to them if we ever actually brought ourselves to speak.
I remember heart-to-hearts in the middle of the night. And as we bared our secrets and whispered dreams, I remember how friendships were deepened.
As sweet as some of those memories are, and though some of those moments are enough to make me still laugh out loud, I wouldn’t go back even if I could.
In the few years since I stood in these “kids’” shoes, I have done a lot of living… and God has made a lot of changes in my heart.
So as I look at them, I smile—but not forlornly.
I smile because I see them as stories yet unwritten, tales still untold, promises that remain unbroken. Their futures (and yes, God willing, mine too) stretch out before us, a wide open adventure yet to be explored.
Growing up isn’t a bad thing, it’s just part of the journey. And so as I sit here writing tonight, with the gleeful shouts of youth all around me (though I began longing for sleep hours ago), I am feeling blessed. Thankful for this moment. Grateful to be a witness to the work that God is doing in these young hearts. And yes, appreciative of the challenges that He is issuing in my own life.
“But now listen, O Jacob, my servant, Israel whom I have chosen. This is what the Lord says—he who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you.” Isaiah 44:1-2
My heart is at peace, listening tonight for the sweet whisper of my God.
Is yours?